Last weekend I attended my first Jazz Festival. In the main it was brilliantly organised, but my brain couldn't help thinking of a few improvements for next year.

1) Have everyone stand in strict height order
Little ones at the front (obviously). Huge lanky, broad shouldered, massive-headed blokes at the back please. Simple.

2) Corkage on drinks brought in from outside of the site. 
Everyone was hiding drinks and disguising their booze in the most elaborate ways.  Just charge 50p a can, and £2.50 a bottle. Win/win?

3) A strict no noise curfew from 2am until 10am.
Who are the people who bring kids and then let them play under (that's how it sounded) your Motorhome at 7am?

4) Special sunglasses that make the bands you grew up with look like they did back in the day.
It's disturbing to see the heroes of your teens looking closer to a free bus pass than their first album.

5) Me, live!
Finally, I'd be allowed to come on stage during the encores of my favourite artists, shake a tambourine for 2 minutes then take centre stage for the ovation.

Of course I'm never going to organise a festival. And yes, my ideas are as fanciful as England winning the World Cup.

So rather than wondering 'what if' and whining about what was wrong, I played a few mental mind games and came up with the following:

1) Just ask the tall folk to please move slightly or even better, ask if you can stand in front of them. 80% success rate.

2) Ask the security people if it's ok to bring just one drink in and promise to buy some more at the bar. 70% success rate.

3) iPod with White Island downloaded and ready to play. 100% success rate!

4) Focus on the music. Who cares how you look, that's called life experience! 90% success rate (the 10% were The Earth, Wind and Fire 'Experience', sorry fellas).

5) Ask the bouncers, they look really friendly. 0% success rate.

Be Brilliant!